Dear Jo,

I am not sure how many words I must type to say a big enough or meaningful enough thank you. By the end, I'm sure it will feel too wordy, and yet somehow, lacking in depth and a true articulation of gratitude.

If you were a significant other of mine, I'd be so angry with you. How dare you walk into my life, give me the best years of my life, and then just end? Sure, I'd have the books, but after the first reading, what are they but memories I revisit? There would be nothing new from our relationship all because you'd be gone? I think I'm a little sore in that area. I almost wish that the books would go on and on no matter how far between they are or how poorly written. And then I stop myself and think of the pride I get when I boast about the quality of the books. 

If you were a significant other, I'd be angry at first. Sad because you left, powerless because I saw it coming and couldn't stop it, and confused by why. Then after I let myself wallow, I'd blink and clear my eyes of the disillusionment charm, and realized that you introduced me to a world of people and experiences. And I would never have opened myself up to that if I didn't open my heart up to you first. 

This summer was the greatest experience of my life, and although you are gone, you changed my life. You made me strong enough to stop escaping into the books to live in the wizarding world and to begin seeking the wizarding world in my own life. 

Thank you, Jo. Thank you, Harry. Because of you, I live my own adventures. I go to seek a great perhaps. 

Best Wishes,

Ellen

The Summer of Harry Potter

This has been a most excellent summer filled with magic. I have dubbed it "the Summer of Harry Potter." Honestly these past couple months, have been incredible! To kick of the summer, I took a May course at my university titled "The Sociology of Harry Potter." It was a semester worth of material crammed into three weeks of nothing but Harry Potter. Plus it was educational! I learned so much about our world by comparing it to something I'm familiar and comfortable with. 

Next I spent June and the beginning of July, listening to wizard rock, watching AVPM and AVPS, and rereading the books. Plus there was a ton of stalkage of the cast of the movies. 

On July 9, I flew down to Orlando, Florida to attend LeakyCon 2011 from July 13-17. A description of all the amazing things would take a post for each day of the best week of my life. 

And we absolutely cannot forget, at 6:30 pm July 14, 2011, the final chapter of the HP movies began early for LeakyCon attendees. This next bit contains spoilers so beware!

I cried from Snape's death to the end of the credits. It was so good, so powerful, and I couldn't have asked for a better end to this chapter of my life. To be sitting in a theatre with hundreds of other Harry Potter fans, sobbing, cheering, laughing was so bloody fantastic! During the credits when I still hadn't stop crying, I walked up to another sobbing girl and asked if I could sit and cry with her. Once the final Warner Bros. logo came up, we hugged, and parted our ways.

So now I'm sitting on a couch, encouraged that Harry Potter will never die. As long as the fans are still there to sing, read, watch, and laugh, Harry Potter will continue to grow and to do amazing things. 

So I kept thinking, where do I go from here? I have decided that the rest of July to August, I will learn the guitar and start a wrock band, vlog about my experiences, and connect with other fans.

Oh and who can forget Pottermore? So I'll see you in October :) or if we are the lucky Beta group at the end of July!

Please Reserve Your Judgment Until After the Post

Today, someone I have never had a personal conversation with called me judgmental. I just couldn't believe it honestly. We know of each other. Our friends hang out in a group together, but the extent of our conversations have been homework and weekend plans.
Hearing this really bothered me. I have trouble getting close to people. It might seem like I just babble, but everything I tell people is carefully planned. He might think he knows things about me, but he doesn't know anything really. And then I started thinking, why would he think I'm judgmental? He knows I'm a Christian, I have never had a drink, never smoked, never done drugs, never had sex, never done a lot of things. But since when did having personal opinons mean you judged people who didn't hold the same opinions?
I think that's the great misconception the world holds today. It's dangerous. It's dangerous to believe that someone judges you because they don't do the things you do.

Time for myself

Make time for yourself and don't feel bad about it. This is the most important thing I've learned in the past few months. I live in a room in a suite on a hall in a dorm with hundreds of other people. I am a shy and awkward person who has never cared to spend a lot of time with tons of other people. Give me my two best friends, and I'm happy. Lately living with so many girls is making me die a little inside. I'm easily annoyed and frustrated. I've been extremely bitchy to everyone, and I like it. I like being opinionated and defiant. I like not caring what people care, because I don' t need people. I learned a long time ago that I can be by myself and be all right. In fact, I usually like being alone more than I like being with someone else. That doesn't mean I don't want a relationship. I want one, but I don't need one. I don't know if that means I'll have better luck when I finally find the right guy. But maybe it means I'll know myself better when I am in a relationship. So this past week I've been holed up in my room doing the things I want to do, and I'm sure my antisocial behavior will continue this week. So today I'm headed outside to write that book I've always wanted to write, and I'm going to love every second by myself. Anyway this is absolutely nowhere near where I was planning to have this post go, but I guess I can rant about that bitch later.

What could be but probably won't.

I just had the most productive winter break ever watching five seasons of Supernatural. But that took only about two weeks, so I still had a lot of time to kill. I used that time to develop an unhealthy obsession with that new Nick show Big Time Rush. The rest of the time was spent on Facebook. I never understood how people could spend so much time on Facebook. I mean what is there to do? And then I discovered the ultimate time killer. Robot Unicorn Attack and watching my screen hoping that the guy I like would start a chat with me. And then I went to that dangerous dangerous place. I convinced myself that he was sitting at his house watching his screen hoping I would start a chat with him, and that we were both too shy, nervous, awkward people to ever start anything together. But eventually thanks to Facebook stalking (isn't that friendship thing a little creepy? But I'll say it. Thank god for it!) I realized that girls were talking to him and he was talking to other girls, and he probably thought I hated him when in reality I adored everything about him. But I know myself, I'll never do anything about it. So here's to guys from my past, and here's to a lovely college to return to full of douchebags and assholes. 

E.

Bored

So I've been thinking a lot about how my life will turn out when I graduate college...and I'm not impressed with myself. I don't know, I'm so boring. I wish I was like the girls in John Green novels. I wish I was more like Alaska or Margo Roth Spiegleman. I think I need a hobby. I don't have anything to do. I don't have anything to talk to people about, and if I had something special, something that was mine, I'd feel more comfortable around people.

In which I write until I have nothing left to say.

Today I had somewhat of an emotional overload, and I needed to do something about it so I started writing. For me, writing is sort of a way to cleanse the soul and leave me new and ready to start over. I grabbed my Superman journal and started writing, then I opened a new Word document and started typing, and finally I started a blog. I really don't expect anyone to read this, I just want to finally have the audacity to say what I really feel in a public place. Usually I keep what I have to say to myself, but when I write, it's like I'm talking to the most perfect listener ever.

So tonight I feel like something really big is about to happen on my dorm's hall. Things need to be said to one another. I need to say some things to people, and I hope I have the nerve to say them. I think I have finally come to the point in my life where I can finally say what I need to. So here are the questions I had to face tonight. How much of what I write and say do I edit?  Do I think about how I feel and then wait until I better understand the situation ? And if I my feelings change do I change what I say? Do I say what I feel when I feel it and continually update how I feel? Do I have need one overall emotion or is having so many different emotions for the day okay? I don't know. I need to give others the same respect that I would want, and I'm so very thankful for friends who remind me of that.

E.